As a child I dreamed of becoming a mom. I played house constantly and set up my entire basement as my own "house." My dad was finishing the basement for most of my house playing days and once he finished framing a room, I claimed it for a room in my house! I clearly remember when he finished framing the room for the sports items. I made this my baby room. I hung stuff from the walls and made it look adorable. I played house forever, meaning all day and into the night, and way past a normal age to be playing house. I loved it and I loved picturing life as a mother. I was obsessed. I watched Three Men and a Baby and Look Who's Talking all the time. Truly, I was obsessed.
Once I was of age to babysit that was all I did from that point. I quit playing house and became a high demand babysitter. I loved babysitting and I was good at it. I use to babysit all the families in the neighborhood and parents would book my in July for New Years Eve. I was good! Now if only I had saved all that money I made babysitting, I would be rich now! Oh well!
When Ted and I got married we decided to wait a bit to have kids. I agreed which, quite honestly surprised me because after all I was obsessed with being a mom. I thought for sure that since I wanted to be a mom my whole life that one day when I got married I would have kids right away and at least a dozen (maybe not a dozen but at least 4). We waited and we "pulled the goalie from the net" about a year into our marriage.
I was convinced that since I wanted babies so bad that it would be easy and I would get pregnant right away. This did not happen, it wasn't even a few months. You see I remember it clearly. We "tried" and "tried" and nothing happened. I never got that + sign. It took time. All good things take time. Finally on Dec. 17th, 2005 (exactly 6 years to the day of our first date) we were pregnant (with the help on a drug called, Clomid. It was wonderful! I was thrilled and I was ready! After all, I babysat every kid in the neighborhood, played house for years, and studied child development in teaching. Could I be any more prepared?
OH YEA!!!!! I never expected to experience difficulties or have curveballs thrown at me. But parenthood has sure done that. I was never ready and no amount of playing house, babysitting, teaching or child development courses would have prepared me.
Sure I was prepared to change diapers, bottle feed (not breastfeed), put kids to bed, and even potty train (spent a summer being a nanny to triplets that were potty training). I was NOT ready for illnesses, or that feeling of not being able to help your child. I was NOT ready for the extreme love I would develop in an instant that can be overbearing and make you do things you never thought you would.
I am talking about my last year. This past year has been difficult. It all started last September I guess. It was last September when I realized that Johnny was not talking or making some milestones at the pace that is defined by Dr. Sears or any other "expert." I contemplated over and over whether to call Child Find and have him evaluated. Until, one day I was walking in the neighborhood when I ran into another mom here in the neighborhood, who is also a teacher and I respect immensely (she is mom of the year). I casually mentioned that I was contemplating "the call" she listened and said, "do it! Then you will never wonder, should I have?" She was right and the next day I called. His appointment was October 27th.
We went to Child Find and it was overall a wonderful experience. They (the specialists who evaluate) took us into a room filled with toys and climbing things, etc. Johnny got to play and they talked to us. They watched him and talked more. We answered the questions and I remained strong. Until, the lightning hit. They told us he was six months behind. I was honestly in my heart hoping that I had overreacted. I am the queen of overreacting! I was not overreacting. He was behind, and I was feeling guilty. I felt responsible. Remember, I studied child development and I was teacher. I kept saying over and over in my head, "how could a TEACHER let this happen to HER kid!" And then I cried. Ted rubbed my thigh and patted my back, kissed my forehead and told me it was OK. Which of course, made me cry worse. Then the poor specialists didn't know what to do with me and I cried out, "I am a teacher, how could this be?" They were so wonderful and calming and said that we had not done anything wrong. I didn't believe them. I was still upset but thrilled that we were taking the right steps to help him. I was on the other side of the table and it was different perspective to be the parent who is hearing the hard stuff about their kid, instead of being the person who shares the hard stuff about the student. This, in the end, made me a better teacher and accomplish more but it is still hard.
We got Johnny "staffed" and his speech therapy started. He made progress and then I looked back and realized that it was so minor and so easy and all in all, I am very lucky. I have a friend who has a much more difficult situation and she is so strong and continues to amaze me daily on how she has changed and become a wonderful mom. I am lucky, she is lucky! We all have different situations and it makes us stronger.
January started and I celebrated the New Year with 2010 being over! Little did I know that 2011 would not start out so grand either. Right after the New Year Hollin got sick with croup. I am a croup specialist now (not really but man I feel like it since my kids get it all the time!!!). This was by far the worst case of croup she had ever gotten and her fever was crazy high. She was even having hallucinations. I remember her pushing the knot on the wood of the coffee table like it was a button and running around screaming, completely out of it. It was terrifying. We went to the doctor a couple times and finally, they gave us some amoxicillian to kill any infection that she might have and they weren't finding, also because I had just gotten over strep and Johnny tested positive for strep at the same doctors appointment. Later that night we were eating dinner and Hollin said she had bumps all over her. Both Ted and I looked and it looked almost like hives. We thought she was having an allergic reaction to the amoxicillian but after more doctors visits and Hollin not being able to walk we found out she had HSP. It took time but we got over that.
In March, I had taken Johnny to an ENT because he had already had 17 ear infections and it was a culprit to impacting his speech. It was quickly determined that he needed to get tubes, which required surgery. We had his surgery at the Children's Hospital (amazing place). They were wonderful and my little boy looked adorable in his hospital gown but nothing prepared me for the anesthesia. They had Ted and I take him back to OR to put him under and hold him. I sat in a chair with my little man and he was terrified. He cried and kept saying momma. It was hard. They put the mask on him which made him cry even more and then the cries got quieter and softer and quieter to nothing. In the meantime, he twitched and his eyes rolled back into his head. Ted was right there with me and nothing or no one could have prepared me for that awful feeling at that exact moment. I cried and the nurses handed me gauze to wipe my eyes (word to the wise- don't wipe your eyes with gauze-it is rough and hurts). After Ted and I left the OR we went back to our room, to get our things and cried. It was hard. Really hard and I would wish it on my worse enemy. It was a quick easy surgery that has performed miracle for my little man but I did not practice this while babysitting or play house in this scenario.
Meanwhile, in February Hollin was complaining of tooth pain so I finally made her an appointment at the dentist (doctors appointments were getting harder to make because I was running out of sick days and Ted's bosses are cranky and not understanding). I took her to the dentist to have her teeth cleaned. They took one look into her mouth and found out almost immediately that she had cavities and needed oral surgery to remove a tooth, put a crown on and fill other cavities. We are not talking laughing gas, a shot and done. No, we are talking a hospital visit, with anesthesia, the works. We booked it and she had this surgery on Monday (yesterday).
This surgery was not like Johnny's. It was hard in other ways (harder? Nope. Just different). She was excited and very ready to get rid of the "naughty tooth." She had her surgery at another facility which I will not name. It wasn't Children's and I will forever regret that. She loved her gown, hat and everything else. She went under fairly easily (helped that I wasn't holding her). It was still hard but much easier. Her surgery was 2 hours!!!!!!!! It was the longest two hours of my life. When the dentist came out and told me it was over I was relieved. A little prematurely actually as I later found out. She came out of it but not so good. She was angry and in pain. The IV in her hand was killing her and she was belligerent actually. A side of Hollin no one has seen and it was scary. She ripped her gown off and was trying with all of her might to rip her IV bandage out and rip it out. Ted and I had to keep her hands off her IV and try to talk to her but she was still so out of it. She screamed and screamed. I was scared and wanted to get her to stop and calm down but I couldn't. Her own mother could not get her calm down. I had not practiced this while playing house. My babies always calmed down. Huh? I wonder why? Oh wait, I know, they were not real. Moving on, back on topic, eventually the nurse pulled out her IV and Hollin was right, it did hurt. It had shifted or something and was under her skin instead of her vein, resulting in a very swollen arm. I was mad (I forgot to mention that she also had a bruised eye). My baby had a swollen arm, bruised eye and was not the baby I gave them more than two hours ago. No one prepared me for this and nothing could have. All I can honestly say now is I am glad it is over.
Next Monday I am to go back to Children's for Johnny to do a Sleep Study. It continues but again, it is not that bad. Could be worse. It has been hard and I was not prepared. Nothing could have prepared me.
Would I trade it for the world? No! Did I learn from it all? YES! Am I stronger because of it? I hope so! I love every moment but man, oh man, they should find a way to incorporate some of this in "playing house." Just kidding!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Birthday Party Fever
**** THIS POST DID NOT POST ON THE RIGHT DAY!!!!!! SO ENJOY NOW!! ******
We have birthday party fever here. You see, Johnny is turning TWO on May 11th!! (wipe tear from cheek). I hate that he is turning two but thrilled because he is getting significantly easier! He was never hard but life is getting easier, much easier. With the big birthday coming closer we have been planning all kinds of thing for his upcoming party. He really loves trains (choo-choo) and so we decided it had to be a choo-choo party! I even learned a catchy phrase to make the train theme tie in! Choo Choo Johnny is turning 2! I know cute! We even found matching choo choo party themed goods. It is going to be great. I have thrown HUGE parties, more specifically birthday parties in the past, and I now know how silly that was and I refuse to do it again. It stresses me out, costs too much and bottom line, is it really necessary?
Hollin's second birthday party was a Backyard Bash. I thought that we were going to save money, it was going to be simple and small. WRONG!!!! We invited too many people, it was not cheap (water bill was HUGE from the double water plastic blow up objects out back), and it was not simple. I went totally overboard. Hollin had fun! However, it was also at her birthday when I cried (yes, I am that mom) that I realized I needed to have another and soon! A month later we were prego! Below are some pictures from Hollin's second birthday party.
Hollin eating with her friend, Brookelyn
Her ice cream cone cupcakes I made myself- A NIGHTMARE!!
Eating cake with Papa
Elmo movie-- She looks so young! :(
our little chef- new clothes for her kitchen!
We have birthday party fever here. You see, Johnny is turning TWO on May 11th!! (wipe tear from cheek). I hate that he is turning two but thrilled because he is getting significantly easier! He was never hard but life is getting easier, much easier. With the big birthday coming closer we have been planning all kinds of thing for his upcoming party. He really loves trains (choo-choo) and so we decided it had to be a choo-choo party! I even learned a catchy phrase to make the train theme tie in! Choo Choo Johnny is turning 2! I know cute! We even found matching choo choo party themed goods. It is going to be great. I have thrown HUGE parties, more specifically birthday parties in the past, and I now know how silly that was and I refuse to do it again. It stresses me out, costs too much and bottom line, is it really necessary?
Hollin's second birthday party was a Backyard Bash. I thought that we were going to save money, it was going to be simple and small. WRONG!!!! We invited too many people, it was not cheap (water bill was HUGE from the double water plastic blow up objects out back), and it was not simple. I went totally overboard. Hollin had fun! However, it was also at her birthday when I cried (yes, I am that mom) that I realized I needed to have another and soon! A month later we were prego! Below are some pictures from Hollin's second birthday party.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Discipline or Behavior
The question is how do you discipline your child? Hollin has been testing us a lot lately and quite honestly I don't know what to do. We do the best we can and sometimes I wonder if it good enough? Is she learning her lesson? How do we know she is getting what she is doing? The parenting and discipline debate is a topic of conversation in my daily life. Remember I am a teacher and I deal with kids everyday, kids who are all disciplined very differently. These are the type of kids (based on discipline):
1. The "teacher pleaser"-- The kid who NEVER gets in trouble. They are perfect. You know you will never have to talk to them about anything other than positive. You wonder what their parents did to make them perfect, how do these parents discipline???
2. The "slipper but learner"--The kid who slips and occasionally gets in trouble but stops as soon as they are warned. The most you ever have to talk to them about is talking. Again, how do these parents discipline so that their kid understands NO or STOP?
3. The "sneak"--The kid who gets in trouble and more than occasionally. They test you to make sure you know what you are doing and if you are paying attention. What method are their parents using and do they know it is only working to a certain not so good level?
4. The "naughty but cute"-- The kid who is naughty and you have to talk to them a lot but they are so stinking cute so you just don't get so mad. These kids typically have the same name (which I will not share to avoid offending anyone). What method are they using? Do they know that their method stinks and it does not work at all? Or are they confused or not as tough because they know how cute their kid is?
5. The kid who is horrible, they are not cute, they don't get the point and continue to push the buttons all the time. Do they EVEN discipline their child?
So my fear? I do not want my kids to fall into any of the categories above beside #1! I guess we could settle for #2 as well! I really want Hollin to be perfect! Does she just do this for us? What method of discipline do we do? I know a lot of people are for Love and Logic but I am not sold completely. So what to do? I want my perfect angel that I love and adore but today... today was rough!
1. The "teacher pleaser"-- The kid who NEVER gets in trouble. They are perfect. You know you will never have to talk to them about anything other than positive. You wonder what their parents did to make them perfect, how do these parents discipline???
2. The "slipper but learner"--The kid who slips and occasionally gets in trouble but stops as soon as they are warned. The most you ever have to talk to them about is talking. Again, how do these parents discipline so that their kid understands NO or STOP?
3. The "sneak"--The kid who gets in trouble and more than occasionally. They test you to make sure you know what you are doing and if you are paying attention. What method are their parents using and do they know it is only working to a certain not so good level?
4. The "naughty but cute"-- The kid who is naughty and you have to talk to them a lot but they are so stinking cute so you just don't get so mad. These kids typically have the same name (which I will not share to avoid offending anyone). What method are they using? Do they know that their method stinks and it does not work at all? Or are they confused or not as tough because they know how cute their kid is?
5. The kid who is horrible, they are not cute, they don't get the point and continue to push the buttons all the time. Do they EVEN discipline their child?
So my fear? I do not want my kids to fall into any of the categories above beside #1! I guess we could settle for #2 as well! I really want Hollin to be perfect! Does she just do this for us? What method of discipline do we do? I know a lot of people are for Love and Logic but I am not sold completely. So what to do? I want my perfect angel that I love and adore but today... today was rough!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
California dream part 2
We arrived in California just in time for my kids to be cranky from lack of food. Once we got to our destination, (a little cottage on the first tee of the country club my parents belong to), my mom had a whole smorgesboard of food for us. The kids settled on spaghetti-os and fruit. Meanwhile, dad ordered us room service from the club house, our choice: petite cut of prime rib complete with Yorkshire pudding. It was heavenly. This night was our first night and I needed to figure out sleeping arrangements for the kids. Hollin had an air mattress that would fit perfectly in the dining area off to the side, (doesn't sound good but Hollin got rather comfortable and fell asleep before we even said bedtime), Johnny's sleeping quarters were a rather large closet complete with his pack n play. He loved it and slept like a champ the whole time.
Monday... we were already on day two! Really? This was already going to fast and I was not happy about it. The previous night Hollin slept at my parents house. She slept with Papa and quite honestly could not be happier. It was great to see her so happy after such an awful winter. We spent the day enjoying the sunshine complete with another trip to the pool and dinner at my parents. The kids enjoyed the dinner at my parents because they go to "play" golf on the course that they live on. Technically they just hit a plastic ball around while on the course, which they thought was just a yard. Another wonderful day.
Tuesday... was wonderful! By far the best day there! I got to play 18 holes with my husband. I NEVER get to play 18 holes with my husband and HARDLY ever get time with just him. It was perfect and it was almost like we were on our honeymoon again. I can't really describe it but it was wonderful. I played really well and so did Ted. It was a perfect day. That night we ate at the club again!
Wednesday... I woke up with tears in my eyes realizing that we were already half way through the week. I was dreading the departure from my dream. I got to enjoy time with my parents, my kids and most of all my husband. We needed this and as selfish as this sound, deserved it. Ted played golf again, I had to go to Old Navy and buy clothes for Johnny that were true to his size and FIT HIM! This is the first time in his life that he has fit in clothes that are meant to fit a child his age. It was quite the celebration... the little things I tell you, the little things. We had another delicious lunch and best of all a long naptime. Remember when you use to complain about taking a nap? If only you knew how you would feel later on. I love naps! I love naps with my kids laying next to me. That night for dinner, mom was a little under the weather so we had dinner with just dad. I missed mom, but we had a wonderful dinner with my dad.
Thursday... I got to play golf again with my hubster. Again, it was perfect and so fun. However, it was HOT, really HOT!! We are talking 102 degrees. I played ok until I was too hot to play. Which I have never truly experienced here but it is possible. We had a dinner with just the four of us at the club which was sad but wonderful. I enjoy all my time with my parents but it was just getting to be too much for them. Funny how they get tired and worn out but a mom can not.
Friday... My dad and Ted got to play golf with my great Uncle Johnny (yes, we took the Johnny from him- but not his name-- my John is a family name, we just call him Johnny) and he played with my dad's cousin husband. It was great to see family but more importantly I got to see my cousin and her three boys whom I have never met. My cousin is perfect, she is beautiful, has three adorable boys and a perfect family. They are sweet and even though our visit was short it was wonderful! Truly wonderful. It reaffirms that we MUST plan a family reunion and FAST. Kids are growing up too fast and some of us have never met other family members kids. That night we had our final dinner at the club. It was bittersweet. My kids were tired and super exhausted, therefore, not behaving their best. But it was our last night.
Saturday... I spent the ENTIRE morning, it seems, packing and getting ready to head back to Colorado. As I packed I thought about the past week and how wonderful it was. Hollin cracked all of us repeatedly. Johnny made HUGE gains in his speech and personality the entire week. It was truly a dream...
I had to leave...
I didn't want it to end...
I cried...
Hollin cried...
Johnny was clueless...
Ted was stressed about all our luggage and lack of help in Palm Springs Airport...
The trip was over...
Our flight back was BUMPY! Remember back to my other blog post and the bumps. I could tackle the bumps, I get the bumps. I don't like the bumps. It is really symbolic that we had such a long flight filled with bumps and we were headed back to where all my bumps are formed. Really? Can't I just continue to have the peace I had this last week?
Highlights from this week...
Time with my hubby!
Hollin and her hilarious personality and constants laughs as a result
Johnny coming into his own even more than I thought possible
Ted being so happy
Seeing my mom
Seeing my dad
Spending time with my mom and dad
The food
EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
Why must vacation end? Was it really all just a dream? Something this good, can't be real... I loved my California dream...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
California dream
We made it...
We made it to California...
We made it to vacation...
We made it through Hollin's bout with HSP...
We made it through Johnny's tube surgery last week...
We made it through it all...
But most of this week has been pure joy, and in so many ways...
It all started with last week, yes last week, before we even made it to California. I had a lot to get through to be able to make it California. I had appointments, lots of appointments. The BIG appointment was Johnny getting tubes on Thursday. It is hard and I was nervous. As mother would be but this gave me so many other fears that only the people closest to me understand. We made it, he came home and I had to pack and get ready for California. I needed this and I deserved it.
We got to the airport very early. There was NO way I was going to miss this flight. We were given the gift of being able to stay in the Red Carpet Club to wait for our flight. And then, our flight was delayed, DELAYED! Did these airlines not know that my kids were tired, it was naptime and I needed them on the plane, so they could nap. Were we ever going to get there? Was this awful, horrific winter,EVER going to end?
The time came... Time to board the plane. Were we ever going to get to California? Again, was this winter going to end? We, the four of us, our little family, squeezed into the tiny, and I mean tiny plane and before I knew it we were in the air. The clouds were below us and we were on our way. Sunshine here we come...
The landing into Palm Springs was less than perfect. Rather far from perfect, it was bumpy and I was scared. Scared more than knowing my daughter can't walk because of an illness? Or that my son is struggling? No... I can for once in my life tackle these bumps because they have got NOTHING on me. I am great at bumps now.
We walked quickly through the airport, found baggage and just a few minutes later... There they were my parents! I wanted/needed them so much the past few months. There they were! Finally!
We made it...
(more to come)
We made it to California...
We made it to vacation...
We made it through Hollin's bout with HSP...
We made it through Johnny's tube surgery last week...
We made it through it all...
But most of this week has been pure joy, and in so many ways...
It all started with last week, yes last week, before we even made it to California. I had a lot to get through to be able to make it California. I had appointments, lots of appointments. The BIG appointment was Johnny getting tubes on Thursday. It is hard and I was nervous. As mother would be but this gave me so many other fears that only the people closest to me understand. We made it, he came home and I had to pack and get ready for California. I needed this and I deserved it.
We got to the airport very early. There was NO way I was going to miss this flight. We were given the gift of being able to stay in the Red Carpet Club to wait for our flight. And then, our flight was delayed, DELAYED! Did these airlines not know that my kids were tired, it was naptime and I needed them on the plane, so they could nap. Were we ever going to get there? Was this awful, horrific winter,EVER going to end?
The time came... Time to board the plane. Were we ever going to get to California? Again, was this winter going to end? We, the four of us, our little family, squeezed into the tiny, and I mean tiny plane and before I knew it we were in the air. The clouds were below us and we were on our way. Sunshine here we come...
The landing into Palm Springs was less than perfect. Rather far from perfect, it was bumpy and I was scared. Scared more than knowing my daughter can't walk because of an illness? Or that my son is struggling? No... I can for once in my life tackle these bumps because they have got NOTHING on me. I am great at bumps now.
We walked quickly through the airport, found baggage and just a few minutes later... There they were my parents! I wanted/needed them so much the past few months. There they were! Finally!
We made it...
(more to come)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
All our houses
Hollin is hilarious! I have said this before but she makes me laugh, she is funny! Every weekend we head up to Breckenridge on Friday night. Hollin calls our condo in Breckenridge "the mountain house." She loves it and every week we count how many sleeps until she gets to go to the mountain house. Then as we drive up to the mountain house she asks us many sleeps until we go back to the Colorado house, once I respond to only 2, she cries. Then she weeps and explains that I should tell my students that we need more than two sleeps and so they are going to have to do without me. She is so cute.
Now she is starting the countdown to when she gets to go to the California house. We don't have a house in California. My parents, yes they do, but it is not ours. She seems to think it is and for that I will let her live like this. Until then I can't wait to get to California, because as our germ infested bodies have told us we need some natural vitamins (sunshine).
Johnny is pretty stinking funny too. My favorite thing that makes me laugh is anytime I mention btw, bye strips. It does not matter where we are. It is funny, really funny. Except when you are in the middle of a store or in a restaurant. No, scratch that it is funny.
He is also really sweet. Every morning he goes into Hollin's room and hollers, "sissy" in the highest pitch screech and it is adorable. It is even more adorable when Hollin springs out of bed to give him hug and kiss and say, "good morning, Boo bear." I love it and every time I see them interact like this I smile.
Now she is starting the countdown to when she gets to go to the California house. We don't have a house in California. My parents, yes they do, but it is not ours. She seems to think it is and for that I will let her live like this. Until then I can't wait to get to California, because as our germ infested bodies have told us we need some natural vitamins (sunshine).
Johnny is pretty stinking funny too. My favorite thing that makes me laugh is anytime I mention btw, bye strips. It does not matter where we are. It is funny, really funny. Except when you are in the middle of a store or in a restaurant. No, scratch that it is funny.
He is also really sweet. Every morning he goes into Hollin's room and hollers, "sissy" in the highest pitch screech and it is adorable. It is even more adorable when Hollin springs out of bed to give him hug and kiss and say, "good morning, Boo bear." I love it and every time I see them interact like this I smile.
Monday, February 21, 2011
I just heard it...
She said it... I NEVER wanted to hear it and I was crushed. What did she say?
"Mommy, you're mean."
Can I cry now? It devasted me... I know she didn't mean it but WOW!
Why did she say it?
The scenario... I asked her to clean up HER mess and in the process I took out her movie that she picked to go to bed and avoid cleaning. She tried running up to her room, but daddy intervened and so she is now cleaning.
This is just the beginning and I see that now...
"Mommy, you're mean."
Can I cry now? It devasted me... I know she didn't mean it but WOW!
Why did she say it?
The scenario... I asked her to clean up HER mess and in the process I took out her movie that she picked to go to bed and avoid cleaning. She tried running up to her room, but daddy intervened and so she is now cleaning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)