I just heard it...

She said it... I NEVER wanted to hear it and I was crushed.  What did she say? 

"Mommy, you're mean." 

Can I cry now?  It devasted me... I know she didn't mean it but WOW!

Why did she say it?

The scenario... I asked her to clean up HER mess and in the process I took out her movie that she picked to go to bed and avoid cleaning.  She tried running up to her room, but daddy intervened and so she is now cleaning. 

This is just the beginning and I see that now...

NURSE!!!!!

2011 has started out really crappy.  We have NOT been healthy.  All of us have been really sick and I am over it.  I am a nurse now.  Never thought I would carry that title. 

Hollin started out the year with one of the worse cases of croup I have seen.  Croup is easy to determine because you are woken up to a seal barking in your house, oh wait that is a kid!  It was my kid and she was really sick.  She had a high fever accompanied with hallucinations.  She would get up in a deep sleep and start yelling and running around.  She looked awake but she wasn't and it took a long time to get her out of it.  As a mom, it is scary, really scary.  You don't know what to do, go to ER, call doctor or wait it out.  We finally got to the doctor and they gave her steroids to help her feel better.  The steroids help with the barking but it does not help with the cough.  Her cough just stuck around forever. 

With Hollin getting croup it was inevitable that Johnny would get it, and he did!  He started barking, we got steroids and his "bark" went away but he continues to cough.  Eventually his cough became a runny gunky nose and I knew what that meant... ear infection.  Back to the doctor we went and sure enough, another ear infection.  No wonder he doesn't talk, he is constantly hearing the world muffled due to his ear infections.  Amoxicillian here we come!  Yet again.  The pediatrician also put Hollin on Amoxicillian as a precaution because...

during all this I got strep!   I have never had strep.  It was awful and I feel horrible for never giving anyone enough sympathy when they had strep.  I thought I had an ear infection because I couldn't swallow without plugging my ears.  I was achy, had a high fever, the works.  It is awful being as sick as I was and having to take care of my kids.  I don't care what is wrong with me, my job is mom, first and foremost, and I was failing at this job because of how sick I was.  I hated this feeling.  I cried and hard, because I was so scared about how sick I was and not being able to take care of my kids.  For me nothing could be worse.  I love taking care of them.

Just after we were all on antibiotics and I was thinking things were looking up a storm broke out.  Hollin came up to me telling me she had goosebumps all over her body.  I looked and panicked.  I was convinced she had chicken pox.  We called Annie (our angel) and she came right down and looked at Hollin's bumps.  Not chicken pox, allergic reaction to amoxicillian?  We thought that was it for sure.  I gave her benadryl, discontinued amoxicillian and went to work the next day thinking she was fine except that her "hives" were going to take more than one dose of Benadryl to go away. 

After being at work for a couple hours Annie (our angel and daycare lady) emailed me explaining that Hollin would not walk.  She said her ankles hurt and Annie instructed me to call doctor.  Now for those of you that don't know Annie, she is always calm and thinks the doctor is not neccessary most of the time.  Now she was telling me to call the doctor.  I panicked and did as I was told.  It was for my daughter after all.  I called, they asked too many questions only to result in saying they needed to see her.  Um, Hello, I am a teacher, what am I suppose to do?  Say, "hey class, I know you are only 8 but you can teach yourself for the rest of the day while I take Hollin to doctor."  Um, no.  I called Ted, he is about ready to walk into a big meeting and so I was stuck.  Again, our angel (Annie) came to the rescue and had her 21 year old son take my sweet baby girl to pediatrician.  What 21 year old will take a 4 year old with spots all over and can't walk to the doctor?  This one!  He rose to the occasion and I will never be able to truly tell him how grateful I am.  He had to help Hollin get a pee sample for goodness sake.  Impressive right? 

The pediatrician determined that Hollin had HSP or Henoch-Schonlein purpura.  It is not common and very scary.  I had a million questions and I was panicked.  Very panicked!  I called the doctor myself (even though he already called Ted) I had a million questions and I needed to hear how terrified I needed to be.  It is scary and we had no idea how bad it was going to be and what was coming.  Would it be easy and good?  Or would it be awful and result in us being in the hospital?  He answered my questions but in the end, I was still unresolved and terrified.  My parents were about ready to fly home from California.  Time was what would determine how bad she would get and I was not about ready to wait.  But waiting is what I did and had to do! 

I waited and she got better, got bad again, and got better.  She is still covered in spots but is walking!  She will be in pain suddenly and not able to walk at any given moment and therefore, we are still watching her.  Are we scared?  Terrified?  YES!  We are trying to remain calm and help Hollin.  Why can't I fix this?  My job as a mom is to protect my kids but when they are sick and you can't fix it, kills me!  No one prepared me for this, or told me how hard it would be when your kids are sick.  Could anyone prepare me?  No but I am getting through it.  I love my husband, my angel (Annie), my parents and everyone else for helping me.  Without them I can not help Hollin or Johnny. 

Mommy Lense

We all view life differently.  Some of us view our lives negatively, or positively or just like a typical day and not really noticing the miraculous things that occur daily.  I use to be that person, I would just go about day to day and not think about the things I was fortunate enough to experience and see.  I am truly really lucky and I get to see amazing things daily.  I am a teacher and I get to see the "light bulb" turn on daily for my students- who else can say they have this at work!  It makes teaching what it is.  But it is not the "teacher lense" that I enjoy the most or even that made the change from day to day ritual to truly being grateful for everything.

My favorite "lense" is the mommy lense.  I have a 20 month old and a four year old.  Think about all the new things they experience and see on a day to day basis.  So, as I go about my day to day routine, my kids are learning and seeing things for the first time.  And, therefore, I see them too!  The one thing I am seeing the most of lately is my kids are growing up and too fast! 

Hollin started ski school.  We got her into the incredible program available through the Breckenridge Ski Resort and she gets to ski every Saturday for eight weeks.  I am seeing her all grown up and independent.  We drop her off each morning at the gondola, with her lunch in hand, layers of clothes, sunscreen, helmet, goggles, lunch made (of course with a note from Mommy- who did not love this as a kid).  I always knew I wanted MY kids to ski, and I couldn't wait for the day (especially after my year of teaching kids to ski myself).  I was excited that first day dropping her off... and then I realized my new "lense"  I was no longer the ski instructor that I once was, I was a mom and I was now questioning if this "ski instructor" was qualified enough to have MY daughter all day on a BIG mountain, with THOUSANDS of people and most importantly on a HIGH LIFT!!  I was terrified, but so excited about the new possibilities for her!  This I know, is just the beginning of her new found independence and my new "lense" of seeing my daughter grow up. 

Recently, Johnny has been going through Speech Therapy.  I am a teacher, and I pride myself on what I am able to accomplish with my students in my classroom.  I believe that I help my students grow academically and socially each year.  I never thought that MY son would struggle with something as simple as talking.  We all know that I talk all the time and have NO problem talking.  Johnny does.  He needs help and is taking to learning on how to talk but at HIS rate.  I look at him and realize that my "lense," the mom, can't fix this.  I can help him but I can't fix it.  It will take time, and who am I kidding... I am not patient!  He is improving and my new "lense" shows me what each little accomplishment means.  I am watching him grow and learn.  Even though I think it is too slow and he needs help, it is overall, too fast! 

I also get to see my kids in a new light about how their personalities have changed daily.  Hollin acts JUST like me!  With a purse, phone, shopping bags and a baby in hand.  She is me-- never expected to see that in my "lense."  Johnny is coming in to his own.  He loves to play with the games on phones, switch light switches, and tonight he laid down on the carpet with his hands behind his head and watched Wipeout.  He is his dad-- NEVER thought I would see what Ted was like as a little boy.  That is a "lense" I am embracing.  I have a new incredible view of the world.  And for that I am grateful and blessed. 

Stop and take a look at the way you view the world... try something different... view it differently.  You will love it... I know I do! 

Christmas Rhyme and card

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Vanderveen Christmas Letter
by Hilary Davis Vanderveen on Monday, January 3, 2011 at 7:06pm
I’ll tell you what happened in our little den,
 
It’s the Vanderveen Christmas letter of two thousand and ten!
Only a few days until Christmas and Hilary’s behind in her quest,
To bring you a letter that’s one of the best!
No boring letters here, so sit back this time
And enjoy the Vanderveen Family Christmas-time rhyme!
Let’s start at the top, with the boss of this clan,
who continues to be quite the CU fan.
Ted’s golfing skills are quite improved,
after spending the summer at the golf course since Hilary approved!
Hilary continues to teach third grade,
 
as a teacher and a mom she feels like she has got it made.
She likes to stamp and crop a lot,
she’s always looking for the perfect picture scrapbooking spot.
 
Hollin is now four and her interests are babies and horses,
her love for Disney Princess she endorses.
She dabbles in so many things it’s hard to mention them all at this time
It would take up the remaining space of our Vanderveen Christmas Rhyme.
Eighteen months and full of fun,
 
Johnny is our number one son.
He loves to wear hats and talk on the phone,
He thinks he is hot stuff and sits on a throne.
During this holiday season his laughter helps us keep this in mind:
this season is full of holiday cheer and put your worries behind. 
That’s the abbreviated version of our life through this year,
But if you want more frequent updates don’t shed a tear.
Hilary keeps random thoughts about things on a blogging site,
Go to vanderveenfamily04.blogspot.com when you can’t sleep at night.
I was told that I must stop when this rhyme hit the bottom of the page,
I tend to ramble on as I get “up there” in age.
So we bid you great things from our corner of Heaven,
We wish you the best for two thousand eleven

Santa!!!! I know him!!!!!!!!!!

Our days are filled with excitement around here.  The excitement has nothing to do with me, Ted, Johnny or anything else except Santa.  Hollin is beyond excited to see Santa and have him bring her toys.  She gets it!  I can honestly say this is the first year that she totally gets it.  We have been counting down to the BIG arrival, watching Buddy our elf move each night Elf on a Shelf.  It has been fun.  I am just as excited, if not more, for Santa's arrival. 


What did Hollin ask Santa for?  Twin babies.  She wants these.  Ironically, mom and I ended up at the new American Girl store here in Colorado and picked these up for Christmas just because we thought she would love them.  Since then we have been getting frequent catalogs and each and every time Hollin pick those twins out and tells me she wants them.  She asked Santa and has been so good because Santa has been watching her.  Adorable I know.  She has not really asked for anything else.  She would be totally and completely content on just them.  But I on the other hand went a little nuts on both of my kids.  They are getting Christmas and I can't wait to see Christmas morning with them.  Ted and I went shopping together and we got this,  this, and this.  We also got a lot more stuff but you get the gist.  Our kids are going to be spoiled. 

Last night, we went to the kids daycare party and Santa came.  Hollin loved it!  Johnny on the other hand... not a fan.  Hollin got a kitty cat (stuffed) in a purse, and Johnny got a hammer bench.  They love their new toys and it was so fun for them to see Santa.  It was great that Santa also knew to talk to Hollin about eating her dinner.  He is watching you! 

So just like Buddy the Elf says, "Santa!  I know him!" with pure excitement.  My kids are feeling the same way. 

Christmastime is Here...

We are a few days into December and in full force here for Christmas.  Complete with 5 trees, millions of animatronic Christmas toys and the Grinch on the roof.  We are after all, Griswold wanna be's and I think I was raised to be a Griswold from the beginning. 

I remember as a kid my mom would always joke about being the Griswolds but I am now realizing, as an adult she was not kidding.  We are and will continue to be the Griswolds.  Mom would always joke about putting us in matching outfits for outings. 

I remember one Christmas when my sister was coming home from college (it was her first Christmas home from college).  My grandparents, Llenie and Herbie sent my family these hideous amazing Christmas sweatshirts that light up.  My mom had us wear them to the airport to pick up my sister.  The WHOLE family, mom, dad, Greyson and I.  I being 9 thought it was BRILLANT and I loved the idea.  I wore my sweatshirt proud and marched through the airport excited to see what she thought of these WONDERFUL sweatshirts.  Meanwhile, my brother and dad had their coats zipped up to their eyeballs so no one would see.  Then the moment came, we were at the gate (before 9-11-01) and mom insisted on having us turn on our sweatshirts and have them blink as my sister walked off the tarmac and greeted our family for the holidays.  I, proud and happy 9 year old, stood there and waited.  I finally saw her, my sister, heading towards us and she got closer and closer.  Even closer.  Then she... walked right past us.  She acted like she didn't even know us.  Do you blame her?  This is close but not exact of what the sweater looked like. 

 

These are the moments that I laugh about as an adult and I see myself doing already to my poor kids.  I looked and LOOKED for my kids to have matching Christmas outfits.  Now before you laugh, realize that this is not too far fetched.  It is possible thanks to places like this.  The price is not right and my husband did not want it, have it!  But let me ask you this... is there anything cuter than a matching family?  I really want to be this family.  

With the kids are new traditions for the holidays.  These traditions will not be matching outfits but I do think it should be matching PJs at least.  

So here is to all the new traditions and fun times ahead kids.  Don't mind what I do... it is all about the experience and memories.

"Clark: We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.
Audrey: We're not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?
Clark: No, I have one of those at home."

We have had a blast...

We have had a great time!  This has been a great fall break!  Here is the rundown of the break.

Monday- my first "official" work day off!  I made it a day about me!  My kids went to daycare and I cropped, did my own stuff.  It was great.

Tuesday- I was woken up in the night with a seal in my house, Hollin coughing that sounded like a bark.  It was croup.  I knew it and know that barky cough from anything now.  We have had enough exposure to it and I am suddenly an expert on croup.  We sat in a steamy room and then on the front porch, to help her.  We did this over and over all night to help her.  Nothing worked.  Morning arrived, doctor was called and no more barking suddenly.  Nonetheless, I took her and yep, she had croup.  When does a child outgrow croup?  NEVER-- it just turns into something else.  So we spent the day in bed and relaxing.  It was nice, not what I had planned but I loved it!

Wednesday- We woke up late and they wanted to go to daycare. So I went and we made a craft.. I think... honestly I don't remember much of this day.

Thursday-  Hollin had preschool and I was volunteering.  I loved it and the teacher was THRILLED.  Her aide went home with a sick kid (must be going around) and so she was thrilled to have me.  It was busy but nice.  I was a mom and a teacher.  It was great to see Hollin in such a different capacity. 

Friday- I had more cropping to do.  And errands, tons of errands.  I spared the kids and they played with their friends at daycare.

Saturday- much to my disappointment I didn't find a babysitter to watch the kids so Ted and I could go to the CU game.  BUMMER!  So I decided to take the kids to Halloween with Horses.  It was a blast.  More than I ever expected and although I couldn't go to the game with my hubby it was a great day.  I can't wait to go next year.

Sunday- We took Hollin bowling.  Mary Ann (mother in law) joined us and we had another great day.  Hollin loves bowling. 

Monday- I got my hair done.  Highlighted and the works.  It was great and nice to do something myself.  Also ran errands.

Tuesday- Preschool again, volunteered again.  It was much easier!  But I know I am meant to NOT teach preschool.  The centers, and all the baskets of items and where they go is a little overwhelming and I have to admit, I would lose it if the kids didn't put things where they belong. 

Wednesday-  We went to Little Monkey Bizness and played hard.  Johnny did not like it at first but warmed up quick and loved it. He loves slides.  Hollin made friends and had a blast.  I wore them out but most of all, I had such a good time just playing with my kids.  Johnny's favorite toy was the clubhouse climber almost like this.  Hollin played on everything!  Then we went and met my friend and her two boys for lunch at Panera.  The kids took great naps afterwards! 

Thursday- I took Johnny to storytime at the library.  They sing songs, read books and do finger plays.  He loved it!  I just wish I could take him to more because I know he will start talking with more exposure to this. 

Friday- (tomorrow) going to the Children's Museum.  I am so excited.  Another great day filled with activities.  Then we are going to a Trick or Treat street. 

Saturday- Buff game with Ted

Sunday- getting ready to go back to work. 

All in all, a great fall break!  I love my kids... they are so cute!